Motorcycle Views

Chopper Derby

The final competition

The two teams will ride their choppers from San Francisco to Burbank, right into the TV studio and onto the stage of the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Jay will then have Jesse James of West Coast Choppers and star of Monster Garage, act as the final judge.

Jesse will ask 10 questions that can be answered by information learned on the cross-country trip. That will be 20 percent of the final score.

Then each team will be asked to go offstage for two minutes to meet with celebrities Paris Hilton and Kelly Ripa and try to explain to them how to start the chopper. Each team will then come onstage with one of the celebrities who will attempt to start their chopper, given exactly 30 seconds.

The winner of this competition will get 20 percent of the final score. If both win or neither wins, the audience will choose based on the effort expended by either Paris or Kelly.

The final portion of the competition, worth 60 percent of the final score, will be a contest to see which team can upright their fallen chopper on a floor covered with whipped cream and restart it in the shortest time.

The winner will get the $250,000 prize plus any additional prizes earned at the checkpoints along the trip and the competitions in San Francisco.

The loser's bike will be impounded and given to Paris Hilton. I have no idea what she would do with it but the possibilities are intriguing.

The winner's bike will be ridden by the winner to the next Sturgis Rally where it will be auctioned off to support the numerous clinics being setup across the country to treat people who like reality TV shows.

Well, I'm all set to make an application to appear on "Chopper Derby" and I hope you will consider it too but before I sign the form, I just wanted to wish you all a HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!

~Walter Kern

Back to Build a chopper and win $250,000

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All my April Fools' articles:

• Modular Motorcycles (2009)
• "Borrow a Bike" - New Economic Stimulus Plan (2008)
• Honda, H-D and MSF Announce Joint Venture with Ford Motor Company (2007)
• 9 Ways to Be a Half-Wit on a Motorcycle (2006)
• An Unlikely History of Motorcycles (2005)
• Chopper Derby (2004)
• Honda, Weight Watchers, GWRRA Unite to Save Gold Wing 1800 (2003)
• Indian's Secret Plan to Beat Harley-Davidson (2002)
• Bush Plan to Regulate Motorcyclists (2001)

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